The Journey is long,
The Path, unfriendly.
Those that Act as Guides
are only there to gain purchase
in Shark-infested waters...
Those that Help are more often
The Journey is long,
The Desert, lonely.
Those that Act as Fellows
are only there to find themselves
in Darkened times...
Those that Succeed more often
The Journey is long,
The Game, finished.
Those that Act as Players
are only there to find
the others who play...
Those that are Lost
are more often
Not going to post much on this update...
I hate Walmart, and, YES, I'm looking for another job. It's only that I can't really find anything, but seasonal and fast food. I refuse to work fast food.
On another note I'm slightly melancholy. My poor kitty, Dusty, went to the vet last week. He wasn't feeling well, so we figured that his blood sugar was out of control... His blood sugar was insanely high. He's lost so much weight since his diabetes became noticeable. He appears to be in such pain now...
I'm not sure if I can keep hurting him like this. Giving him nine units of insulin. It's insane. He's arthritic and I'm not even allowed to pet him without being swiped at or bit at...
My mother keeps suggesting that I should put him down, but that it's my decision. It's a tough decision, though, and one I really don't want to make...
If you don't understand this, you're not alone... I just wanted to write something... and since I am not the best RP-er in my little group... yeah... Let me note that I am VERY out of the loop in our little RPworld... So they're probably going to tell me that something is incorrect.
And! Please, note that this is the first form of fanfiction that I've written... in a LONG time...
Never let it be said that I, Fuji Shuusuke, am a kind person. I very much enjoy seeing someone suffer, if only just a slight bit. I fake kindness well around children and my family, but, around my “friends,” I am nearly as close as I can be to my true self.
I like to keep my “friends” in the dark and on their toes. They never quite know when I will show up to interrupt their happy home lives. I have never told them what it is that I do for a living. I have no intentions of ever letting them know. They know nothing of my private life. They don't even know where I live, other than it is somewhere in Tokyo.
The funny thing is... they ask what my job is, but they never ask me anything else.
I would tell them something, if they asked for it properly. Not even Inui has asked properly. Neither has his and Kaidoh's daughter.
There is only one person who knows anything of my job, where I live, and what I do on my own time.
The one I think of as a true friend, and, yet, I still try to keep him in the dark.
My childhood friend and sometimes rival.
We keep each other on our toes. We always arrive whenever each of us least expects it, but also when we absolutely need it most.
We keep each other company, because our friends have all grown out of us. They have moved onto bigger things. Wives or husbands, children, jobs, family...
He's the one thing that keeps me sane, and I wonder if my presence does the same sometimes.
He would kill me if I ever told him what I truly thought of him. I wonder, will I ever be able to tell him?
Ah, well... Best to keep him in the dark.
Don't ask where this came from. I don't quite know... >.>;; All I wanna know is why can I suddenly write? And only write drabble-y things as well...?
The mess hall was alive with activity. The focus of most of the mess hall's attention was toward a table close to the windows that overlooked Crystal City.
The Chosen were abuzz with laughter and excitement. Two things that were uncommon for the group of thirteen.
Even while seated at the table, Julia felt like an outsider. She could wear the mask that was necessary for survival in life, but it never quite fit as well when she was around people that were supposed to be on a level with her.
Julia always watched the goings-on from the outskirts, even when she was in the midst of the excitement. She never felt part of the group, always felt like she was forced into the background.
She smilingly answered one of the questions that Jean had asked. However, inside, she felt like she was going to cry. They all felt that they knew her. Yet, they knew nothing, tried to understand nothing. She always wondered why she could even force herself to be near them, when they caused her more pain than even David.
Quietly, she excused herself. None of them acknowledged her leaving at all. Inside, she sobbed.
She passed many people in the corridors. Many of whom passed by without even so much as a simple nod.
She made her way to the Emperor's Suite. No one knew that she entered into this area. It was off limits to everyone, but it was also the only place that she felt comfortably alone. Her own room was another facet to the fake mask that she put on for everyone.
She gave the painting of the late Emperor, Empress, and Princess a polite bow before moving down the hallway. In the room opposite the painting, she had set up a makeshift desk. She had not wanted to disturb the area anymore than she had with just her mere presence.
As she neared the desk, which was placed just before the large balcony, she pulled out a plain paper notebook and a pencil. She knew that anything she wrote in her MIK journal would be reported immediately to Master Greene and Lord Harter. While she didn't care what Master Greene thought, Lord Harter was at least genuine in his worry and care for the Chosen.
She wrote things in the book that would have caused her to be placed under surveillance immediately. Dark things that people who knew her wouldn't think it possible of her to do.
She always smirked at that thought. She was a trained mercenary. They paid her great deals of money to kill people nearly weekly, if not daily.
She had tried suicide only once after her family's death and that had failed miserably. It hadn't been her brother or cousin that came to her aid. No, it had been James. She had cursed him for nearly a month for stopping her, but she appreciated that at least he knew she existed.
She finished off her latest entry. Thankfully, today it was all dark poetry and art, not a plot for another suicide attempt.
She looked at the now closed notebook and felt tears welling in her eyes. She was nearly at the breaking point, again. She knew that, if she broke this time, she would not be stopped. The only thing that she could do now was cry.
Cry she did. Heart wrenching sobs.
And she knew, that no one cared.
So... For the last few days I've been feeling very ill. Nauseous and very sensitive to loud noises... My ear was throwing off my sense of balance... Yesterday, I nearly threw up while at work... Not a pleasant feeling, let me tell you. So the management excused me to go home.
I barely made it home before I threw up. Yuck!
So I skipped my class. Thankfully my mother had business at the campus so she was able to turn in two of my projects that were due...
I went to the doctor today. My last doctor's visit was in the Spring of '04. Needless to say, I am ill. My doctor gave me a nasal spray, because I was beginning to show signs of a sinus infection, and some pills for fluid in my ears... sigh... Thankfully, I didn't have to pay anything for them. He gave them as samples, 'cause he figured that I was a college student. It was very nice of him...
Other than that... I've lost about 11 lbs! Yea! You wouldn't know it by the sight of me, but I feel so much more awake now.
That's all for now. Hopefully, I can beat this thing!
I really was waiting to go purchase an original design Zune from ZuneOriginals.net
, but I was waiting to see what Apple was going to release...
I have been wanting a flash based mp3 player that was larger than two or four gigabytes. Microsoft's Zune was nearly perfect for that... They just don't have it in any color that I would want. Black is nice and all, but it's not a color that I associate with my life.
I really like the redesigns of the iPod Nano. I've owned one previously, and I really enjoyed the hardware. It was the software that I despised. I've gotten a chance to play with the iTunes Version 8, and I am pleased with the ease of integrating my mp3 music. Previously, no matter what form of music I had, it would garble anything that didn't come directly from CD or from the iTunes store. I also like the fact that it keeps my Japanese music in proper kanji/hiragana/katakana. Microsoft, even with further updates to the media player, refused to integrate anything. I even had the Japanese Character pack downloaded, and it refused to show it properly.
I dare you to figure out what color Nano
I'm debating on the size I will purchase. I had to give up on purchasing my laptop for the time being... And the iPod will not be purchased until much later...
My car was leaking transmission fluid... Not a pretty thing, let me tell you. Luckily, we have a temporary fix on that. It hasn't dripped yet since the filter replacement and the tightening of the bolts on the tray. Then my father informed me that the frame was very rusted. Not a good thing...
So, everything is put on hold until after I purchase a car. Hopefully, this will happen before Winter or just after. I think my car will last me just long enough to get through the Winter, but not through the Spring.
I am officially dropping one of the classes that I was taking this Fall. Thankfully, it's not one for my major... I've decided that during Spring semester that I will be taking more art classes, as I enjoy them... and, apparently, I like gym courses that could very well kill me...
I'm going to be going through the stuff that I have hidden in my closet. I really do have to much stuff, and, while I don't want to give up my manga and comics, I'm going to be selling quite a few of my DVDs and other various things that I think will sell...
So anyone of my friends will be allowed to purchase them first... Yes, you guys get first dibs... when I figure out what I wish to sell. I'll warn you all when I start pricing things...
Heh... I've started getting my Christmas presents out of the way... And, no, they aren't expensive. I don't plan on spending more than $15 a person... So if you actually get something close to $15, feel lucky. I'm poor...
P.S. For those that actually look at the link to the iPod Nanos... Tell me why I'm giggling over the colors...
- Tags:car, christmas, ipod, ipod nano, itunes, microsoft, mp3, mp3 player, nano, sale, school, zune
- Location:home compy
- Music:do your best (DL3) - tenimyu 2nd cast
So, yeah... Bobby's birthday ended not too long ago. I am so poor I could barely afford to purchase him a small package of Twizzlers... (Which I left at work...)
To make matters worse, my bank fucked up my account. I'm going to drop them as soon as I get enough money. Which will probably be never.
So, yeah. I'm taking some more college classes this Fall. Ten credit hours and full time work... I hope that I'll be able to survive it. I, apparently, do not get any financial aid assistance this year. They refuse to accept my MPN for a loan. I wish they'd give me a definite answer about my loan, so I know how much money I won't have. I keep hearing from everyone at my school that the people in Financial Aid suck ass. They don't know what they're doing and nothing will be done financial aid wise until the end of September...
Add onto that, school will be costing me around $170 four more times... I love and hate the payment plans. They kill my wallet, but allow me to keep my classes.
AND NOW... Apparently, I'm going to have to find the money for a new transmission. I know that I shouldn't listen to the people at work, but with the way my car has been sounding and running, I'm beginning to believe them. Well, now that's going to be added to the list which include three new tires and new brakes...
I've been trying to look on the brighter side, but... it's pretty hard. It's getting harder now that Mom and Dad are helping both my brother and sister with money that they don't have for school. I don't understand why they get all the assistance. They've both had jobs. I still have mine. I'm going to school using my money. Why can't they find a way to pay for it themselves? That way they'd know how much that they are going to have to pay off in the future. Maybe it's because they keep going to schools that are going to kill them financially?
Actually, now that I look at it that way... I'm glad that I'm paying for myself. I know my debt. It's payable. Their debt is probably unsightly...
I think that most of my anger is unfounded or wrongly directed. I'm angry at my work, but that's only because they screwed up my schedule for last week and this week. I'm happy, though, 'cause they are starting to give me 40 hour work weeks again. My bank wronged me, but I'm going to rectify that by closing my account with them when I'm able to. The only other thing that could have me angry is my car... But that's my fault, and it's more frustrating than something to make me angry about. I'll try to see what I can do for it.
I hope by next year this time... No. My goal for this time next year is to not be living with my family. I need to be away from them, but I cannot find anyone responsible enough to live with. Most of my friends, a few excluded, are just large children. While I admit that I am childish at times, I am the one that has maintained a job that I abhor for five years. I am the one paying for college without the aid of my parents, except for living arrangements. I pay rent to them, of course. I pay my own car insurance. Full coverage, I might add. I have paid off my car. I purchase most of the food I eat. I've cut down on the unnecessary spending that I make. Shouldn't I have more money now?
All this is at the expense of a life. I have met few people in the last five years that I'd ever want to keep ties with or hang out. I have no time to go out.
I might have to cut all trips for this coming year to make up for lost time and monetary loss. I have people that must be repaid for money I've borrowed. I'm going to be going through my stuff to see if there is anything worth selling. There are a lot of manga, doujinshi, books, art books, photobooks, and miscellaneous stuff that I'm probably going to sell just to make ends meet. I'll probably post the list of stuff here so that friends can have a go at it first. Then I'll sell to others.
To all who read through that mess, I applaud you. It's mainly just me working through stuff, and I really didn't think that anyone would read it... Heh... My mind is insane.
P.S. I'm amused by the song that came up as I ended this post...